Kya yahi pyaar hai.......

 

Sometimes it was only meant to share a moment of time with each other. Sometimes friendships and relationships are not built to last forever, they are built to teach you a lesson. Maybe both needed to learn something from each other that no one else in the world could teach you at that time. 

Maybe both were perfect for getting each other through a terrible storm together. In life, we fall out with people that we never thought we would. Get betrayed by people you trusted with all of your heart. And get used by people you would do anything for. 

But life also has a beautiful side to it. You will get loved by someone you never thought you would have. on most days, our phone calls have uncomfortable silences and we don’t open up. and then, there are days we don’t disconnect the call until it’s 3 am.

I put myself first, sometimes. I bail out of plans when I don’t feel like going. I cancel dates at the last minute. I walk out of the room when I have an argument. I am not easy to love.

I have my flaws. I trust too often. I love too hard. I find it hard to let go. it’s not easy with me. Little things hurt me. I tell the wrong people my secrets. these are my little imperfections.

But it’s okay. sometimes, I don’t have to apologize for being myself, for being someone who is not good with people.

I just don’t have to be too hard on myself. I am not perfect. I am imperfect and so is everyone else. All humans are imperfect.

Shut up about this “love only happens once” nonsense. Love is about happiness and peace. It’s a feeling of being at home with a person. If you don’t feel peace and happiness, it’s over. It’s approved by God. It’s perfectly moral. 

You are still a perfectly wonderful human being, no guilt. 

Big Hug.

Ye Kashmir hai......Ye Kashmir hai.....

“Gar firdaus bar-rue zamin ast, hami asto, hamin asto, hamin ast.” “If there is a heaven on earth, it’s here, it’s here, it’s here.”

       

Indeed the above statement thrilled me all along throughout life geographically, till I really went there and saw it all for myself……

A trip which will be unforgettable and cherished all through life indeed for the beauty of the place as well as warmth of the people.

I being inclined towards Sufism, could not have reached to a better place than Kashmir – the land of Saints. It is bestowed with Sufi wealth. Some of the shrines have historical importance in addition to religious significance attached to them. These shrines belong to both Hindus and Muslims and are visited by thousands of devotees. The renowned Darqawi Sufi teacher Ahmad ibn Ajiba, has explained Sufism “a science through which one can know how to travel into the presence of the Divine, purify one’s inner self from filth, and beautify it with a variety of praiseworthy traits.”

Kashmir is not only home to the vast cultural and ethnic diversity but also the myriad arts and crafts that have been carefully nurtured for the centuries. A variety of motifs, techniques and crafts flourished in the land as the people from different regions flocked through this beautiful place and many of the skilled craftsmen decided to settle amidst its charming abundance of natural beauty. With time, these arts have gained even more distinctiveness and today Kashmir is known for woollen textiles, Pashmina shawls, embroidered suits, Kashmiri silk saris, papier machie, woodcarving, chain stitch and crewel furnishings, hand knotted carpets and lots of other traditional crafts.

Undoubtedly, the situation in Kashmir is troubling. Many countries still have travel advisories in place for Kashmir due to "terrorism and civil unrest". The substantial military presence in Kashmir may also be unnerving for tourists. On the other hand, it can be argued that the attacks are isolated, and aren't an accurate representative of Kashmir and Kashmiris. The ground reality isn't necessarily as bad as what is often portrayed, and the incidents mainly take place in certain problematic areas. Safety is also subjective. It depends a lot on what tourists do and where they go.

It's important to keep in mind that Kashmiris have problems with the Indian administration, not with the people of India or anyone else. Tourism is an important industry and source of income for them. Even the mainstream separatist groups have nothing against tourists and say they must be left alone. Anyone who visits Kashmir should keep in mind that the people there have suffered a lot, and should be treated respectfully.

Kashmir is a predominantly Muslim area, and I found the local people to be particularly warm, friendly, respectful and polite. Even when I was walking through so many parts in Kashmir I was surprised by how little I was harassed -- a huge contrast to many other places in India. It was very easy to fall in love with Kashmir and to want to return again soon.

We were caught in traffic jams at many places, and the traffic comprised all kinds of vehicles ~ loaded trucks, civilian cars, armoured vehicles and jeeps of security forces, autos, motorbikes and bicycles. Of course there was a security man standing guard with his rifle almost every 100-200 metres. But the picture of the ebb and flow of near normal life that we had seen was far from “mass civil disobedience” or resolute “civil curfew”; instead it looks like resilient life adjusting to the new realities without many hiccups. An average Kashmiri yearns for peace.

Kashmir is never going to disappoint you. It is a lot more than blasts, blood and terrorism. I now have a home in Kashmir that too in a remote village. I would surely visit again and again.

Some of my close friends encouraged me for this trip and I made innumerable friends for life. Pandemic times had put lot of fear. Landing in Srinagar was like a dream come true, stepping on the land I belong to. I met Shahid. We took a day to get into comfortable mode. I sat in front with Shahid while we drove everywhere. Loved the music he played and the conversations we had from all walks of life. Thanks to the kindness he showed, he was no longer just a driver. He became a good friend and we talked a lot along the way. I appreciate his kindness and think of him and his family with gratitude. He was my photographer and a true travel companion for 9 days. We got along as if we knew each other from years. I would recommend him for every tourist in Kashmir.

I visited Ashmuqam (Anantnag), Baba Reshi Sahib Shrine, Baramulla, Bandipora, Bomai, Chandigam, Char Chinar, Charar-i-Sharief, Chashme Shahi, Fatehpora, Dal Lake, Dastgeer Sahib, Devir, Gulmarg, Habba Kadal, Hazratbal Shrine, Jamia Masjid (Srinagar), Kandi Forest, Kheer Bhawani Temple, Kupwara, Lolab Valley, Makhdoom Sahib Shrine, Manasbal Lake, Nehru Park, Nishat Bagh, Pahalgham, Pari Mahal, Rampura, Rajpora (Khudgoo Mungluu), Shalimar Bagh, Shankaracharya Temple, Sogam, Tangmarg, Uri, Wular Lake.…..may have missed some…. It was quite hectic for 9 days….

Born to the Kashmiri Pandit parents, but being away from the real Kashmir almost whole my life, except some years of childhood and some annual trips till I was a teenager. I had lots of memories about the place but never could connect personally. This visit made me feel, breathe and see the real Kashmir. During my whole stay in the magical valley, I was only connected to the people not from my community. And not for a second did I feel out of place. I belong here and this is mine. Inshallah.

When it comes to hospitality and warm welcome, no one can match up to Kashmiris.

Noon Chai - The tea. The Kashmiris love their teas and you be spoiled for choice. A usual day Kashmiri household begins with noon chai (salty pink tea) and breads early in the morning followed by Lipton tea with breads (Tomle Tchot – made of Kashmiri Rice flour) before noon. Evenings usually there is another round of tea.

Wazwan - There are several multi course meat dishes (Wazwan) I relished almost all of them all the days both meals. Sitting cross legged on the floor with Dasterkhaan (tablecloth) spread, hands get washed by a tash-near (a jug and a basin combo), which is passed among all and a traem (platter) comes in front with a long minced kabab and rista and chicken and what not…….and no forks and knives and spoons…….eating with hand is sone pe suhaga. A major difference in Kashmiri wazwan is absence of sweets.

Kangiri – a small portable fire pot made of earthenware, tucked underneath the pheren. What surprised me was that people kept it tucked even in their beds under their quilts and remained safe.

Pheren – a traditional outfit of Kashmiris – an elongated loose fitted woollen robe, worn during winters. Women wear pherens embellished with an intricate needle, ari or zari embroidery while men wear plain and simple ones in solid colours.

It brings to me the fact that the world is a friendly place even for a single traveller if you place your trust in people and go with the flow. I would not be exaggerating if I say that I have lost my heart in that magical valley.

 

Don't trust rumors about Kashmir...

Go and see for yourself, you will fall in love with every tear you come across….

Despite of everyday struggles, people are loving and welcome everyone with open arms……..

Kashmir needs help....

Stop negativity against Kashmir.

महोब्बत

"तुम्हे पता है दो लोगों का एकसाथ सारा वक़्त बिताने का मतलब ये नहीं होता कि वो दोनों एकदूसरे के लिए ही बने है" - छत पर तारों को निहारते हुए उसने कहा

"हां,जानती हूं" - मैंने जवाब दिया

"फिर,तुम क्यों रहती हो हर वक़्त मेरे साथ" ? 

"पता नहीं..तुम्हारे साथ वक़्त बिताना अच्छा लगता है शायद"

"काश की ये ज़िंदगी भी ऐसे ही बीत जाती 'उसके' साथ इस वक़्त की तरह" - उसने मेरे कंधे पे सिर टिकाते हुए कहा..

वो अपनी पहली महोब्बत को भुलाने की कोशिश कर रहा था

और मैं उससे महोब्बत ना हो जाने की।

Self Love

The biggest struggle in life is to know, embrace, and accept ourselves, with all our faults and imperfections. Many of us were raised by parents who were themselves victims—who were not taught to see their own worth, or who were not really seen by their own parents. So, they passed on to us what they had. The focus was on survival and minimising the damage, rather than on love, appreciation, and intimacy.

 I do not regret my past but I regret the mistake that took years from my life, and the life from my years.....

 The stress can beat us down, or make us build walls around ourselves that are so dense that even our dearest ones can't get in. Yet, there is another way. When we have the courage to let the walls down—to know and embrace ourselves, despite our human failings—we also open the door to the ones who love us, giving a new meaning to life.

 Our brains are wired for survival, but also for empathy. We have mirror neurons that fire when we see another person's pain. Let us learn to love ourselves, so we can be more open and compassionate to others, and so we can take down the walls that limit who we can be and what we can contribute.

 Become more mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviour. Know your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths and achievements and learn to love yourself for both.

Motherhood

This has been going on for hours, days. I’m trying to make the words and thoughts in my head magically appear on this screen and be meaningful, but every time I try it all gets jumbled into a sad mess. 

I have a lot to say to my mother. I have a lot of questions. Lots of questions that will never be answered because I have learned not to waste my time or energy, and that is okay. I’m okay with not knowing. 

My mother is a different person. She made me believe for years my feelings were invalid. I was never allowed to do what I wanted to. She hid everything I liked. She felt I was the bad person for her bad relation with my father and daadi.

I have never been a good child ever. I was always full of faults.

I was the one who spoilt my siblings, who taught them all bad they did.

I let her push me down and beat me repeatedly with emotional abuse and I didn’t even realize it. For years and years it went on. It wasn’t until I was hit so bad that it left a scar on my life...

This scar lived with me for long...

And I’ve spent a lot of time being angry and sad. A lot of time avoiding it and then trying to fix it, but it can’t be fixed. But the thing is, I don’t want to be sad or angry. I don’t want my heart hardened by her. I have never left her alone. I have always cared for her and still do.Instead of writing this to say how angry I am and how hurt, I want to say thank you. 

She may not have been kind and loving to me growing up. She may have been hurtful and emotionally abusive. But I look at my own children . . . my sweet, crazy, beautiful children and I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful I had the courage to take how I was treated and turn it into a lesson.

My children will never have to question my love. If not by my millions of hugs, kisses, and I love yous each days, it will be the look in my eyes when they look at me. They will see love there.

My children will never have to question their worth or feelings. They will know that they mean the absolute world to me and however they are feeling is always valid to me. 

When they need me I will be there. No matter what I’m doing, it will never be more important than being by their side through hard times. 

When they have a great life changing event, they will know their mom will be celebrating and screaming from the rooftops because I will always be rooting for them in life.

Through my own experience with my mother I have learned how to be a better mother myself. To fill our home with love and kindness. To acknowledge feelings even if it means accepting I was being too harsh or mean. To enjoy all my little family and life has to give me because I choose for my heart to be full. 

So here it is, I’m not angry or sad, I will not let my past dictate my future. Instead, I say thank you to my toxic mother, for making me realize I can be better for what I was given.

अनजाना सुकून...

मैं नदी किनारे एक पत्थर पर बैठी हुई थी,अक्सर यहाँ पर लोग दोस्तों के साथ,फैमिली के साथ या किसी ना किसी के साथ ही नज़र आते हैं। ऐसे में जब कोई अकेला अपने घुटनों को खुद में समेटे हुए बैठा दिखता हैं तो थोड़ा अजीब सा लगता हैं.. अजीब सा लगना मतलब हैरानी होती हैं।

मुझे एक लड़की दिख रही थी। पर मैने उसकी तरफ नही देखा।

वह बहुत देर से मुझे देख रही थी थोड़ी दूर से,वहा बहुत से लोग थे पर पता नहीं क्यों उसकी नज़रें बस मेरे पर अटकी हुई थी।

इस शहर की खासियत यहीं हैं कि यहाँ किसी को किसी की खबर नहीं रहती, भीड़ से भरे इस शहर का अकेलेपन से गहरा लगाव हैं।

हाँ,अकेलेपन का हर बार ये मतलब निकलना ज़रूरी नहीं होता कि कोई परेशान या दुःखी होता हैं तभी कही अकेले जा के बैठता हैं,बल्कि कई बार हर एक के जीवन मे ऐसे पलों का आना मुनासिब हैं जब उन्हें खुद के साथ वक़्त बिताना अच्छा लगता हैं, खुद से सवाल जवाब करते हुए खुद से मिलना अच्छा लगता हैं,खुद के लिए उदास होना,खुद के लिए मुस्कराना अच्छा लगता हैं।

मौसम इतना प्यारा था कि मैं भी उन लहरों के करीब जाने से खुद को रोक नहीं पायी।

वो मेरे ठीक बगल में आ के बैठी, मैं पैरों को खुद में समेटे एकटक समंदर की लहरों को देख रही थी ऐसा लग रहा था वो भी मेरी तरह लहरों से बातें करती होगी।

मौसम बदल रहा था बादल बरसने को आतुर हो रहे थे काले हुए बादलों का बरसना बहुत ज़रूरी होता हैं वरना कब वो तूफान का रूप ले ले समझ नहीं आता।

मन के भीतर का भी मौसम कुछ ऐसा ही होता हैं अगर समय रहते भारी मन से बौछारें ना छुटे तो तूफां को आने से कोई नहीं रोक सकता।

मेरी फोन की घंटी बार-बार बज रही थी उस कॉल को ना मैं उठा रही थी ना ही काट रही थी बस स्क्रीन को घूर के देखे जा रही थी। लगातार एक ही नम्बर से कॉल आ रहा था उसकी क्यूरोसिटी बढ़ती जा रही थी, उसका मन कर रहा होगा की वह थोड़ा झांक कर देख ले।

उसे समझ नहीं आ रहा था माजरा क्या हैं, मौसम बदल रहा था,बादल भर से गये थे ऐसा लग रहा था कि अब बरस पड़ेंगे।

जब अंदर भी दिल कुछ भर जाता हैं तो आँखों का बरसना लाज़मी होता है।

बारिश की हल्की-हल्की बूंदें गिरने लगी उसने छाता खोला और थोड़ी मेरे करीब खिसक गई तो उसने हैरानी से मेरी तरफ देखा मैं मुस्कराई - हल्की सी खोखली मुस्कान दी मेरीआँखों की कोर भरी हुई थी पर मैं रोई नहीं तब तक जबतक उसने मेरा माथा अपने कंधे पर नहीं टिकाया।

मैं हैरान। न जान न पहचान। इसने मेरा दर्द कैसे देखा।

बारिश कबकी चली गयी थी उसका दाया कंधा पूरा भीगा हुआ था। मेरा भी बाया कंधा भीगा था।

बादल भर जाए तो उनका बरसना ज़रूरी हो जाता है मन के भीतर का मौसम भी कुछ ऐसा ही होता है ना ?

वो करीब 30 साल की लड़की थी मुझसे छोटी थी। उसने मेरे गालों को सहला के सर पे हाथ फेर फिर वहा से चली गई।

हमदोनों के बीच कोई बात नहीं हुई.. ना उसने कुछ पूछा ना मैंने कुछ बताया बस तसल्ली इस बात से हुई कि अब मुझे कुछ सुकून सा लग रहा था। पता नही कयनी देर मैन अपना सर उसके कांधे पर रखा। मैंने आंखें बंध कर ली थी और दोनो बारिशें खूब बरसी।

मैंने पहले भी सुना था कि हर इंसान का अपने हिस्से का एक अपना सफ़र होता है जिससे उसे खुद ही लड़ना होता है और पार करना होता हैं।

हर परेशानी की वजह जानना ज़रूरी नहीं होता,कई बार बिना कुछ कहे साथ चल देना या कंधे पे हाथ रख देना भर ही काफी होता हैं।

बहुत भरा हुआ है ये शहर

अकेलेपन की भीड़ से।

पीड़ा से उभरकर नई शुरुआत की ओर❣️

ज़िंदगी मे परेशानियों का आना-जाना तो लगा ही रहता हैं,और ऊपर वाला हम सबको उन परेशानियों से मुक्त होने की काबिलियत भी देता है।

मगर कुछ परेशानियां पीड़ा के रूप में आती हैं जैसे बंद दरवाजे के नीचे से कैसे चीटियाँ घुस आती है कमरे में उसी तरह ये पीड़ाएं भी दिल के उन कोनों में आ के बैठ जाती है जहाँ से उन्हें निकाल पाना लगभग नामुमकिन सा हो जाता है।

ये बेवज़ह नहीं आती..बेवजह कुछ भी नहीं होता यहाँ हर ऐक्शन का रिएक्शन होना प्रकृति का नियम हैं।

परेशानी और पीड़ा में बेहद अंतर हैं हमें जब किसी बात से परेशानी होती है तो हम उसका इलाज ढूंढते है सलाह लेते है उसपे काम करते है या फिर उसके बारे में सोचना बंद कर देते है, मगर पीड़ा हमारे मन पे लगे घावों को अंदर ही अंदर कुरेदती रहती हैं।

किसी पीड़ा से गुज़र रहे लोग कभी रोते नहीं वो एक serious मुस्कान के साथ खामोश रहते हैं।

बेवज़ह के खयालों के साये में रहते हुए वक़्त की डायरी में जाने कितने रतजगे दर्ज किए जाते हैं उनकी ज़िन्दगी में और आंसुओं का सारा हिसाब तकिए बड़ी आसानी से सोक लेते हैं अपने अंदर।

ना रहा जाए ना सहा जाए जैसी हालत में फिर ऐसा भी वक़्त आता है जब साँसें भी बोझ लगने लगती हैं किसी अनचाहे डर के इतने भयानक खयाल मंडराते है सर पे की मन करता है किसी कोठरी में जा के दुबक के बैठ जाये जहाँ ये खयाल पीछा करते हुए पहुच ही ना पाए,मगर मन की कोई नहीं सुनता।

जाहिर है पीड़ा इतनी गहरी है तो वजह भी गहरी रही होगी और शायद इन्ही पीड़ाओं को डिप्रेशन या एंग्जायटी कहा गया है जो एक हँसते-खेलते इंसान को ज़िंदा लाश की तरह बना देता है जिसे ना हँसने की सुध होती है ना रोने से करार भर आता।

खामोशी होंठो से ऐसे लिपटी होती है जैसे कोई नवजात बच्चा माँ से लिपटा हुआ हो।

और ज़िन्दगी में आए ऐसे वक़्त को डायरी में सबसे बुरा दौर लिखने में कोई हिचक नहीं होती।

अगर गुज़रे हो कभी इसी दौर से या गुज़र रहे हो तो सुनो..लिख देना इस डायरी में हर उस पल को जिसने तुम्हे जज़्बाती तौर पर नोच खाया हो, जिसने छीन लिया तुम्हारे हिस्से का सारा सुकून और तुम्हे अपनी ही नज़रों में बेगैरत बना के रख दिया हो, लिख देना हर उस इंसान के बारे में जिसने तुम्हारी सादगी और सरलता को अपने पाखंड से रौंद दिया हो, लिख देना सब उस डायरी में और वो डायरी तुम जला देना।

क्योंकि अब तुम्हारा सबसे बेहतरीन दौर आने वाला हैं और आने वाले सुनहरे पलों में बीती कड़वी यादों का कोई काम नहीं..

रात का बीत जाना तय है

और सुबह का होना भी।

अगर पीड़ा असहनीय मिली है तो उससे उभरने की ताकत भी हमारे अंदर ही हैं अगर उस सबके बावजूद भी हम नहीं टूटे और साँसें चल रही हैं तो यकीन मानिए ऊपर वाला हमसे कुछ बेहतरीन करवाने की कोशिश में हैं।

लोहे को आकार देने के लिए उसे कई हथौड़ों की मार का सामना करना पड़ता हैं।

अपने सही आकार को पाने के लिए जीवन में तपना भी होगा और खपना भी होगा।

हर इंसान का अपने हिस्से का खुद का एक सफर होता है जिसे उसे खुद ही पार करना होता है हमारे दोस्त और परिवार मौलिक और नैतिक रूप हमारी मदद कर सकते है मगर उससे उभरने के लिए उससे बाहर आने के लिए हमें खुद ही उससे लड़ना पड़ेगा।

वक़्त तो लगेगा मगर यकीन रखना बस उसी पल के बाद एक नई डायरी तुम्हारा इंतज़ार कर रही होगी।