The little things you do make me feel good, make me smile. The little and less serious things we
share, laugh at - make us related. I don’t call it a relationship,
I prefer to call it relatedness. Relationships often become bondage which are
not enjoyed. Relationships become duty, and duty is a four letter ugly word. It
means you are on duty and you have to do it. Relatedness is not something that
you do, it is something that happens. Relationships make us a drag, a martyr,
reduces us to a commodity and it ends up using one another. How can being used
make anyone happy? Then we take relationship to a new step – business, where
there is give and take. Relationship means bondage, relatedness means freedom.
Relatedness makes just two best friends, without legal bond, joyful living,
without possessiveness, no exclusiveness, no jealousy.
How many of us crave for that
touch? I don’t mean a massage, I don’t mean physical contact, I don’t meant
sexual contact, I just mean a loving touch, A kind of touch that touches our
soul. A kind of touch when we are fully present in that moment. A kind of touch
that expands our cells in our bodies. A kind of touch that transmits energy. A
touch that relaxes out mind and body. A touch that connects. A touch that
comforts. A touch that brings a sense of trust. A touch that is a pleasure. A
touch that spins a silky web to be cocooned for days. A touch that communicates
through the cells. A touch we all ache for to remove all aches. The way a
mother touches her baby for the first time – the purest form of touch.
I just want to be a friend, the
friend you can turn to when you need one, I want to be the mother you can talk
to when something is bothering you. The incapability and my failures often
threaten my sleep. I wonder if ever I can really be the person I had ever aimed
to be. Next moment I feel it’s OK, even in those moments when I couldn't make
it, I have always put in my best. I am not perfect but my intent is love, it
has been love always. Even when I have been hurt badly and brutally. Every day
I have thought that tomorrow is another day and I will do my best to be what I
aim for.
Why is a small meeting with some
a connection forever? Why is it at the level of the soul? With some we share
almost a lifetime, still remain unconnected and with some just few meetings and
we are connected forever. There are people who live their whole lives together,
yet they cannot explain what they desire of one another. Some people collect
rare coins, stamps or so many things….I have collected people. People of all
types, young and old, rich and poor, man and woman. I have treasured people,
kept them safely in my pocket and protected them, accepted them completely,
felt them beautifully, longed to keep them forever. People come into your life
for a reason a season or a lifetime. I am not good at letting people go, whom I
have treasured so much, even when it is the best option. Even though I
understand that not everyone we meet is destined to be in our lives forever.
Logically I understand but Emotionally it hurts like hell.
With few, a very few it has been intense. I wept, yelled, behaved badly. Pain made me do. There is such an impact on my life that I struggle to imagine what shape I will be in.
Some came to my life when I was
struggling, like an angel, they shared the heavy load that weighed me down,
they wiped my tears, soothed back my hair and let me know that everything would
be OK, someday.
Some came to teach me about
myself, about who I really am. They showed me how to be strong, how to embrace
challenges. They gave me piece of themselves to forever reflect within me. They
left their footprints on my soul to cherish.
Every time we let go, we make
space for new and beautiful things to enter our lives. One door closes, and
another is waiting to show us to fresh marvels, if we are brave enough to open
it.
I finally understood that this
is the true nature of this connection. We can't be together but we'll never be
completely apart.
I am learning to hold on with
gratitude to all that I learn from them, to cherish the time that we shared and
to let them go if the time is right, without regret. I realize now that we must
love with abandon, giving our hearts fully and freely, even knowing that one
day it might hurt us badly. These people have not been romantic, there has been
no love story, but there has been a deep connection. A connection in which we
do not run, hide or blame, instead pause, reflect and talk. These connections
my seem mysterious to outsiders. Some perceive them to be vulgar as they
view it through the lens of superficial societal criteria.
We all arrived here through
different roads, different highways and different dirt paths. Some of us are
bruised. Some of us are spotless. How we got here doesn't matter—only how we’re
connected.
I have decided to bravely put
love on the back burner. I know one day my beautiful children will share the
same clusters of freckles on their noses. I know there will come a time when I
will look into their eyes and see a reflection of my dreams.
I never for a second doubt that
I deserve all this. But I know that now is not that time, and I accept it with
grace and patience.
I am in a constant state of
motion, dedicating every day to myself and the goals my soul aches for.
Solitude can get deafening
sometimes, but self-sufficiency is a trait even warriors have trouble
mastering. I am my own commander, fighting frostbite, fidgeting in my mittens.
Never apologize for the fires I light. I carry my flag with my children and
know I will never be alone.
Beside me stand my children
marching to the same heartbeat, carrying the same promises throughout their
days, who never would need anyone to tell them what they should have, or who
they should need.
Whatever it is that ties us, it
isn't enough to overcome the obstacles that stand in the path of us being
together. For better or worse, we will always be drawn to each other—just not
in a traditional way.
It’s how we transform and grow
as human beings.
If you've never had your heart
broken open by loss and despair, if you've never truly been in pain, if you
haven’t walked through the fire and back… You haven’t truly lived.
When we go through heartache we
start to feel so much that the limitations of our hearts simply can’t take it
anymore. And suddenly… It cracks open.
Sometimes we can even feel it
happening inside of our chest. Our hearts may feel that they have burst, and
the overwhelming pain that follows could be too much to bear but it never is.
The universe never gives us anything that we cannot handle. The thing is,
through these cracks, light begins to seep in. Little by little light fills
your heart and your heart will start to grow. You realize that your heart is
fragile for a reason: it needs to break from time to time so it can grow and we
can learn how to love even harder.
We all walk this earth with
giant hearts inside of our chests and we all feel so much. We are not alone and
our broken hearts, they know this. Light fills us until it overflows and others
can feel it, too.
Tragedy makes us warriors. Light
bearers. We light up the path for others and together, we stop fumbling through
the darkness and start remembering what it truly means to be alive.
Life is a gift, and this pain…
It’s all for something. It’s all for something.
Life has taught me to be wild
and free. To reflect on all that my heart can possibly feel. I need not fret on
my mistakes. I need to forgive myself and proceed on with my journey. Forgive
others and allow them to continue on their journey. What is done is done. It is
a new day. And believe in mantra – come what may…there is no running from what
we are, who we are and where we are.
