Conversation with ME!

People are like oceans. Some parts are visible. But, most of us  can’t see shallow pools of truth and deep pools of dark mysteries..... !!!

When we try to get into these oceans, waves, tides or time, we get lost completely. We lose ourselves in the process.

I wonder at these things, how they change and still hold their head high as if not aware of the difference they make to some. Any change is not easy. It brings along lots of storms with it. Change is one of the hardest thing as it means leaving the perceived safety and comfort zone. It takes lots of courage and risk to change. And if change is ignored stagnancy builds, followed by the restlessness.

There lies ahead of us - the road less travelled and the road mostly travelled. What if the future is uncertain, what if you are not at all trusted, what if you are not at all thought of?

At times we know we are completely honest with ourselves and set fear aside, we want to and we need to take the chance because this is how we will continue to grow. Even if the future is uncertain, it still moves us closer to our own authenticity, to the real self and that alone is worth the risk of moving into the unknown.  

As my thoughts come and go, both from my mind and heart, I sit quietly and observe what they have to say. I notice the thoughts that are strong and forceful, try to convince me that life is a certain defined path and often the thoughts generated by the mind need to be controlled. And then in amongst all of mind's thoughts, I quietly hear my heart speak and its message is sweet and so peaceful as it calls me to it, raising a deep desire to hear more of its gentle message. And I see myself being attracted towards it.

I keep looking; keep trying to work out the HOW. I keep looking for another way of to move past the obstacles, just so I can make it work. But then I realise it doesn't matter how hard I try, how hard I push because if I keep approaching the problem from the same perspective, nothing will change. Change the perception. STOP.

It's at this point I understand that messages from heart are always infused with love, with a gentleness that supports me, supports those around me and so consciously I choose these thoughts to fill my mind and with which to walk on this earth. And as I do this, I notice a deep peace washing over me and the knowledge that this is authentically me.  

Softly my heart speaks of love and gratitude, of miracles that occur every day. It says, there are some moments when you are not fully you; and just sometimes you are just you. So with gentle whispers, my heart continues to encourage me, to simply just be..ME!

I gently bow my head in reflection and acknowledge all that I've been given or has been taken away and all that I have taken and given away; the lessons in life given or taken have led me to a deeper understanding of my Self, bringing awareness to who I am and what I have to share and what I can share.

This journey has been rich with variations, with many joys and sadness. Every sadness has been a gift as it always has brought light to the deepest corners of my heart, showing me the depth of love that is there to own, to share, to give, to love, to care.

I have shed so many tears and felt the despair, and all this is natural. As it has been the part of the process of letting go off the sadness and tension. And by letting them go, it created space for my heart to receive the unknown gifts. Gifts of owning, gifts of sharing, gifts of giving, gifts of caring, gifts of loving…and many more. I have been blessed with some real angels in my life. Though they have been very human but always had an angelic touch. But I ask myself will I shed more tears? And I answer it back….Yes I will. And that too will be okay, because in doing this I continue to let go of the emotion that’s been held inside. The emotion that has been pulling me down. The emotion that has been helping me to come out of every situation. The more the emotion comes out the more the potency of the devilish darkness becomes less. These powers have never been able to overpower me. Blessed.

Then a thought flashes - being a woman of strength all through and inspired by the Sidney Sheldon ladies, why am I so weak today……