Me and my thoughts….aksar aapas main baatein karte
hain and baaton hee baaton mein we confuse one another and then sulk……and then
next moment help each other to come out of it….aisa hai mera rishta with my
thoughts…….at times I feel stuck……at times I feel sticky…..and I am sure
everyone feels it this way in some point of time or the other……basically when
things go out of control…and what we wish does not happen……everything seems so
clumsy…….a single day seems like an year………and we want to run……run from
self……just for some peace….but where is peace…..door door tak kahin nahi……na
andhar na bahar……….it is surely not within me………then where the hell is
it?.........it is all a game…..a game that my thoughts are playing……….a game
that my mind is playing………..sometimes fills me with utter happiness and makes
me float…..fly…..like aaj kal zameen pe pao nahi hai mere……….. and sometimes with
deep sorrows……..bhari duniya main aake dil ko samjhaane kahan jaaye…….sometimes
makes me comfortable and sometimes suffocated………….at once my thoughts tell me
to live the whole life like this……….and other times they want me to have
space……..space where I can live as I want………….though both have their own pros
& cons…...I cannot forget the lovely times for those sticky ones….so what I
do is …..what all that I can really do is ….. whenever those sticky moments
arrive ….. think about the lovely ones which will be coming after those…..
hopefully…...or which have come already though for a very short period….. :)
Life sometimes ………. I stand corrected…… most of the
times…………seems usual and sometimes bizarre…..when the same old path seems new,
drives us to react differently………..the same old turns seems unturned,…….as they
show a different destiny……..there are times when we feel that that where are we
heading towards………… am I the same old human being ………… do I still have the same
destiny………however good or bad it is……….or do I have to achieve new targets………
do I?........Can I?..........Dare I?.............koi to jawab do yaar………the
unpredictability of life is so unknown that even life can't tell……….kal hee
pados a man died………left back wife and a daughter……….do I really have enough
time to fight……to cry…to sulk…..to be unhappy…. to settle the accounts……why
waste these few moments in all this….why not build……why not be positive…..why
not love…..why not make my days beautiful…..after all I will never get this
life again……who knows I may……but not those whom I have…..the phases of life
whether ups and downs , mood swings, incidences occur in such a manner that it
forces us to think …... can I really live the life I want????? Shayad nahi….par
shayad haan……. as life passes by many a times life touches us and tempts us to
start all over again……….. it is never too late…….. again the same path …...a
companion …… but a different destiny........anjaan manzil……
Iss ret jaisi manzil ko jitna pakdti hoo utna hee
daman chudaati hain……….fisal jaati hai…haath se…..aur kab haath khaali ho
gaya…..pata bhi nahi chalne deti…………..siskiyon mein simat rakhi hain zindagi is
kadar ki ab ashk bi lagte paani se hain…..they no longer even taste
salty……..samajh nahin aata ki samjhau kisse kis tarah ki ab sab kuch ho gaya
juda sa………afsos yeh hain ki hum khud se hee hote jaa rahe hain juda………..kya
apni kadar karna itna bada gunah hain…………kya apne liye khushi chahna itna bada
gunah hai………kaash I could live as I want to……….khud ko pata hai ki main kya hoo………par kyu main auro ko samjha
nahi sakti…….mujhe khud pe itna aitbaar kyu nahi…………ab to apne par aitbaar ki
kami ka ehsaas hota hai……kya hamesha apna hee boj tale mar jayenge………kya chod
doo zindagi takdeer ke bharose………ya khud chunu ek rah khud ke liye……………… kya
intezaar karoo ki zindagi humme kahan le jaye………ya khud zindagi ko main le jaon
jahan main chahoo………..is this all kashmakash just because of the distances and
the differences…….
But some say differences and distances are just in
mind……..both really play with me and empty me inside…. I am human, I am a
woman, I have to c ompromise……compromise…. compromise….. compromise….. kab tak
compromise…..I am meant to compromise….. customize…. be adaptive…... and take a
toll of my life….ab tak yahi to hua hai…..sirf customise and compromise ……..
kabhi kuch wajeh se aur kabhi kuch……… it is just like having a body with no
soul……… just coping…… just hoping……that one day I will get so much customised
that I will not know that I have compromised and customised myself.
When a child has to decide what to be in life……we
parents say…..do what you love to do…..choose the path which you like….if u
like it just do it…..…..but do we do that ourselves……no….we don’t…..because we
are no more a child…..we have matured…..grown up….become more compromising,
customised, adaptive………all bull shit….then why blame the surroundings……the
people, the environment, we ourselves are to be blamed, it is I who has made me
like this………even if it is the weirdest of things or most unusual in nature………..
believe me just do it………..coz every bit of it will reflect u and who u
are…….get sorted……sort your life…………...aim for the next day……..whatever
happened has happened………u had had enough……...plan the time way ahead
………...schedule-reschedule do whatever it takes………..and do exactly u want to
do………..
You'll be surprised that more than half of the
hurdles get cleared with only the decision of doing it! I bet it is not
easy…..I am still struggling to take a decision on my decision………….
Like…... love …… and live it …………..and life will be
enthralling you with its wondrous gifts……..the serenity and satisfaction of
doing something…...in spite it being just sleeping till late one morning…..just
because you want it that way……you want to do it……and not because you got time,
you skipped some work, the only reason – U want it…….we often side-line our
passions and likes…....it is so important to redeem life sometimes……redeem life
……redeem thoughts…... hopes.........
expressions……anything….. go and do what you want to…..just because u want to
do…….and you love to do it….no other bloody reason…..live some moments just for
you……this is life……the real life……as you live it…..on your terms and
conditions…….just be creative…...positive and confident……. smile and decrease the
degree of the hurdles….... sometimes just act and seriously one day u will end up smiling with
no effort…. change your attitude…..your preferences……… your likes and
dislikes………. pretend in the beginning…………start acting………till u finally end up
doing it with no efforts………..a change in perception is required to change the
picture………..change it often to broaden your thoughts……….. your
dimensions........ meet...mingle and melt with people around even with the
people with different
frequencies…...keep your real self-alive……….don’t let it die…….if it dies….u
are no more……….u exist no more…………….do not run away from yourself………..only you
are the person who knows you the best………face yourself……talk to
yourself……..escaping from yourself is not the solution………….face
yourself…..spend time with yourself……bas main aur meri tanhai……
We all look forward to an anchor in
life.......anchor in form of a human being not necessarily our family
member……….it can be anyone…..anybody who ignites us, ignites our dreams, our
determination, our self…….who helps us to recognize the real you. Finding such
an anchor is our major milestone in our life……some of us find love in between
and settle down thinking it as "the one"…………some of them fall flat
with a broken heart chasing an undesirable one……some cling to the wrong anchor
and spend whole life regretting ………and some just pass by them without realizing
that he/she was an anchor….was the someone whom I was searching………longing
for………….waiting for……………sometimes it takes the entire life to reach to an
anchor………..and some live without it too…….well, the million dollar question is
how will u know at any stage that u found your anchor…..we cannot find answer
to this question, there is no scale to judge our anchor, you just realise it
with time………that anchor takes us along the life journey not making it pain
less……..but definitely, much meaningful and light…..that anchor leaves no scar,
makes you feel valuable, makes you feel that you are the only one……makes you
love your life, ... makes you be what you are…….. and loves you it its real
sense.
The good part of the story is…….we all are also
anchors …...to somebody…….....so check yourself are you being such an anchor as
the one you are looking for……….. finding and being the right anchor will make you
love your life………….
So it is like finding yourself in you…..in quest of
yourself…….within you.
