Let me live, please!

People often prefer to believe that it’s possible to hide pieces of ourselves that we don’t want people to see. And the fact is what we want to hide from others is something that we fear to face ourselves. The less we face these parts of ourselves, the more they hurt us. Learning about ourselves and facing all the facts of ourselves, especially those that we strive not to see, is the key to integration with ourselves, as well as connecting with other people. The less fluidity within ourselves to go in and out of our emotional spaces, the more likely ruptures will be caused in our relationships when blocked avenues explode. 

Facing ourselves and integrating with ourselves will open the door to more connection, comfortable exchanges, and less anxiety in all types of relationships. Social anxiety generally stems from the fear of being seen by others — the fear that our masks won’t cover the component we wish not to be seen. If we can get to know these parts of ourselves we wish to hide, rather than fighting to disown them, it can liberate us. In the end, people see us. We’re only hiding from ourselves.

For many knowing our dreams, our destination remains a mere wish…..the dream seems to be a long run dream, but I really want to be carefree, away from the world’s grudges. But does it mean I want to escape. Escapism is the word, the word which means to be carefree. I just want to run away, run away from the choices, choices I made, choices I had to make, choices I make every day. Why can’t God give some signs, He did not even when He was asked for them. Why does He enjoy all this, have fun with the choices the people make. I just want to run away from the judgements and endless suggestions of the people. There are always choices around, but why do we not see them when we should. Why do they become visible very late? And trust me choices once ignored or missed haunt us forever.

Oh God! Why can’t they live and let others live too. Give space and take space. Let the person be human. I am not a machine which needs instruction manuals, just let me be human. I want to run from the shackles of do’s and don’ts, and guess you have no say in deciding do’s and don’ts. I want to run away from this artificial and nonsense formality which really has no meaning. I want to run away from unwanted actions forced upon me, often it is said – you will get this if you do this. Always incentive based on emotional atyachaar.

I just want to be me, just me, the real me. I am tired of faking and pretending. Please let me be me. I want to sort myself. I just feel like cleaning the whole wardrobe. Emptying everything and putting back the things I want, piece by piece, as I want. I just want to fly free. But do not want to fly too high as I do not want to miss the weight of my cute responsibilities on my wings. I know it takes lot of courage to speak my mind, to speak my heart. I just want to live this precious life before I am disowned by this life. Live some moments of my life as I want them to.

I can no longer ignore the problem. The wrong choice once made needs to be corrected, it can be corrected. And if it cannot be corrected then I am not alive, I am not living. I am just passing through a life with a dead soul and alive body. Something is missing, that love for life is missing. But I am trying to be very optimistic. I knowt hings will change and they will change for better….hopefully….someday…. J

LOVE…

We all are in search of that right person, with whom we can connect, with whom we can share every good or bad thought without any sort of fear and insecurity. The one who values emotions, the one who values music, the one who values he feelings. The one who sees beauty in every small thing around. The one who is not superficial, but is deep, who values life. Some don’t waste even a second to say as soon someone opens up to talk. They simply mean shut-up. Someone who is without any mask and no pretensions. And we too are the same, with no pretense, we can do or speak anything we like to, no fear, no barrier. Sometimes we all can be selfish, impatient, insecure, well make mistakes, are out of control at times. So what, we are so much human. If we are not so, then we are not at all human and if we seek someone without all these, we are seeking someone inhuman. Simple. Be human. Love human.

Every day comes with a new promise. The season is changing and this changing time itself has its own significance. Mostly people think about the season which we were in or what kind of weather we will have in the near future and miss the current day which is as beautiful like any other day. Each day has a tale to tell of its own kind. It can never be replicated.  It is said happiness is in mind, but is it?.... is it not connected to our hearts. It is like the music. Music, most of us love. We love it when we are happy and we love it when we are sad. Though the music may differ with our moods. But it is music, whether jolly or melancholy. I feel music connects you very easily. It is the best means to build bridges. It is fun to listen to music together. Another important thing that humans do…they love music.

Well a famous saying says – “ Love is blind” What does this mean? People who are in love keep optometrists in business?


No. When you love someone you can't see them. That's what it means. They exist but you physically lose the ability to visually perceive their presence. It's kind of unnerving at first but you get used to it over time. When we meet at first  we can see the person clearly but slowly they begin to fade the more we get to know them. And when we love them limitlessly the person becomes completely invisible. Be it flaws or goodness, it hardly matters, the person is accepted as a complete package. One change in any of the specifications, will change the model all together. We no longer miss them they become an integral part of us. This is what it means – Love is Blind.

Next question - WHY love makes us blind? Because we care so much about the other person that we spend all our time and energy focusing on making ourselves better, more worthy, for the person that we don't have time (or the inclination) to see their flaws. This is required from both the persons with equal force.

I, Me & Myself.....one yet different....

Me and my thoughts….aksar aapas main baatein karte hain and baaton hee baaton mein we confuse one another and then sulk……and then next moment help each other to come out of it….aisa hai mera rishta with my thoughts…….at times I feel stuck……at times I feel sticky…..and I am sure everyone feels it this way in some point of time or the other……basically when things go out of control…and what we wish does not happen……everything seems so clumsy…….a single day seems like an year………and we want to run……run from self……just for some peace….but where is peace…..door door tak kahin nahi……na andhar na bahar……….it is surely not within me………then where the hell is it?.........it is all a game…..a game that my thoughts are playing……….a game that my mind is playing………..sometimes fills me with utter happiness and makes me float…..fly…..like aaj kal zameen pe pao nahi hai mere……….. and sometimes with deep sorrows……..bhari duniya main aake dil ko samjhaane kahan jaaye…….sometimes makes me comfortable and sometimes suffocated………….at once my thoughts tell me to live the whole life like this……….and other times they want me to have space……..space where I can live as I want………….though both have their own pros & cons…...I cannot forget the lovely times for those sticky ones….so what I do is …..what all that I can really do is ….. whenever those sticky moments arrive ….. think about the lovely ones which will be coming after those….. hopefully…...or which have come already though for a very short period….. :)

Life sometimes ………. I stand corrected…… most of the times…………seems usual and sometimes bizarre…..when the same old path seems new, drives us to react differently………..the same old turns seems unturned,…….as they show a different destiny……..there are times when we feel that that where are we heading towards………… am I the same old human being ………… do I still have the same destiny………however good or bad it is……….or do I have to achieve new targets……… do I?........Can I?..........Dare I?.............koi to jawab do yaar………the unpredictability of life is so unknown that even life can't tell……….kal hee pados a man died………left back wife and a daughter……….do I really have enough time to fight……to cry…to sulk…..to be unhappy…. to settle the accounts……why waste these few moments in all this….why not build……why not be positive…..why not love…..why not make my days beautiful…..after all I will never get this life again……who knows I may……but not those whom I have…..the phases of life whether ups and downs , mood swings, incidences occur in such a manner that it forces us to think …... can I really live the life I want????? Shayad nahi….par shayad haan……. as life passes by many a times life touches us and tempts us to start all over again……….. it is never too late…….. again the same path …...a companion …… but a different destiny........anjaan manzil……

Iss ret jaisi manzil ko jitna pakdti hoo utna hee daman chudaati hain……….fisal jaati hai…haath se…..aur kab haath khaali ho gaya…..pata bhi nahi chalne deti…………..siskiyon mein simat rakhi hain zindagi is kadar ki ab ashk bi lagte paani se hain…..they no longer even taste salty……..samajh nahin aata ki samjhau kisse kis tarah ki ab sab kuch ho gaya juda sa………afsos yeh hain ki hum khud se hee hote jaa rahe hain juda………..kya apni kadar karna itna bada gunah hain…………kya apne liye khushi chahna itna bada gunah hai………kaash I could live as I want to……….khud ko pata hai  ki main kya hoo………par kyu main auro ko samjha nahi sakti…….mujhe khud pe itna aitbaar kyu nahi…………ab to apne par aitbaar ki kami ka ehsaas hota hai……kya hamesha apna hee boj tale mar jayenge………kya chod doo zindagi takdeer ke bharose………ya khud chunu ek rah khud ke liye……………… kya intezaar karoo ki zindagi humme kahan le jaye………ya khud zindagi ko main le jaon jahan main chahoo………..is this all kashmakash just because of the distances and the differences…….

But some say differences and distances are just in mind……..both really play with me and empty me inside…. I am human, I am a woman, I have to c ompromise……compromise…. compromise….. compromise….. kab tak compromise…..I am meant to compromise….. customize…. be adaptive…... and take a toll of my life….ab tak yahi to hua hai…..sirf customise and compromise …….. kabhi kuch wajeh se aur kabhi kuch……… it is just like having a body with no soul……… just coping…… just hoping……that one day I will get so much customised that I will not know that I have compromised and customised myself.

When a child has to decide what to be in life……we parents say…..do what you love to do…..choose the path which you like….if u like it just do it…..…..but do we do that ourselves……no….we don’t…..because we are no more a child…..we have matured…..grown up….become more compromising, customised, adaptive………all bull shit….then why blame the surroundings……the people, the environment, we ourselves are to be blamed, it is I who has made me like this………even if it is the weirdest of things or most unusual in nature……….. believe me just do it………..coz every bit of it will reflect u and who u are…….get sorted……sort your life…………...aim for the next day……..whatever happened has happened………u had had enough……...plan the time way ahead ………...schedule-reschedule do whatever it takes………..and do exactly u want to do………..

You'll be surprised that more than half of the hurdles get cleared with only the decision of doing it! I bet it is not easy…..I am still struggling to take a decision on my decision………….

Like…... love …… and live it …………..and life will be enthralling you with its wondrous gifts……..the serenity and satisfaction of doing something…...in spite it being just sleeping till late one morning…..just because you want it that way……you want to do it……and not because you got time, you skipped some work, the only reason – U want it…….we often side-line our passions and likes…....it is so important to redeem life sometimes……redeem life ……redeem  thoughts…... hopes......... expressions……anything….. go and do what you want to…..just because u want to do…….and you love to do it….no other bloody reason…..live some moments just for you……this is life……the real life……as you live it…..on your terms and conditions…….just be creative…...positive and confident……. smile and decrease the degree of the hurdles….... sometimes just act and  seriously one day u will end up smiling with no effort…. change your attitude…..your preferences……… your likes and dislikes………. pretend in the beginning…………start acting………till u finally end up doing it with no efforts………..a change in perception is required to change the picture………..change it often to broaden your thoughts……….. your dimensions........ meet...mingle and melt with people around even with the people with  different frequencies…...keep your real self-alive……….don’t let it die…….if it dies….u are no more……….u exist no more…………….do not run away from yourself………..only you are the person who knows you the best………face yourself……talk to yourself……..escaping from yourself is not the solution………….face yourself…..spend time with yourself……bas main aur meri tanhai……

We all look forward to an anchor in life.......anchor in form of a human being not necessarily our family member……….it can be anyone…..anybody who ignites us, ignites our dreams, our determination, our self…….who helps us to recognize the real you. Finding such an anchor is our major milestone in our life……some of us find love in between and settle down thinking it as "the one"…………some of them fall flat with a broken heart chasing an undesirable one……some cling to the wrong anchor and spend whole life regretting ………and some just pass by them without realizing that he/she was an anchor….was the someone whom I was searching………longing for………….waiting for……………sometimes it takes the entire life to reach to an anchor………..and some live without it too…….well, the million dollar question is how will u know at any stage that u found your anchor…..we cannot find answer to this question, there is no scale to judge our anchor, you just realise it with time………that anchor takes us along the life journey not making it pain less……..but definitely, much meaningful and light…..that anchor leaves no scar, makes you feel valuable, makes you feel that you are the only one……makes you love your life, ... makes you be what you are…….. and loves you it its real sense.

The good part of the story is…….we all are also anchors …...to somebody…….....so check yourself are you being such an anchor as the one you are looking for……….. finding and being the right anchor will make you love your life………….

So it is like finding yourself in you…..in quest of yourself…….within you.