Beaten down and exhausted. Not only physically, but mentally too. Tired
of holding, not only my life together, but everyone else’s. Drained and sad
because I am conditioned to stay strong.
But who do I break to? Who do I fall to? Who do I call?
I fall to myself. I turn to the only one who has stayed by my side
through everything—that is the beautiful woman looking back at me in the
mirror. I am my backbone. I am my strength. That’s the hardest part about being
a strong woman. Everyone expects us to have our shit together.
They turn to me when their world has gone dark. And they look to me when
it seems as if all hope is lost. But I must be strong. I can’t show my fear. I can’t
express the scared, tired, little girl that is hiding inside me, so I suffer.
All while holding the world up as if I am some type of superwoman.
I suffer because I sacrifice every ounce of my being to make sure my people
are cared for—that they’re happy—that I can be who they count on. But who holds
me up? Sometimes it’s all too much. Sometimes all I want to do is break down.
Well, strong woman, break down.
It is okay. It is okay for you to be broken. It is perfectly acceptable to
break and cry in the middle of the day. It is perfectly okay to not recognize
who you are. To feel lost, to be alone, scared, and terrified. It is, simply,
just okay. You are allowed to break down. You are allowed to feel the pain, and
you are allowed to feel like you cannot go on another day.
Once I have shattered, once I have cried and that Chambor kajal has
smudged around my dry eyes, it is time to pick myself up —because I am the
strong one. I am to hold my army up. I am the one to keep moving; people look
to me for my strength and hope in life. I am the rock - whether I chose to be
or not. Whether I see my influence or not. I am who my people look to. My experiences
may have chiselled my heart, built my walls, guarded my trust in people’s
actions and words. They may have shaped my demeanour, but regardless, those
experiences have allowed my people to trust in me.
People are given a personal journey in life before they are born, and mine
was to be strong. I have fought battles I did not want to fight. I have
sacrificed things I should not have sacrificed. And I have, unfortunately,
given up parts of myself to protect my people.
But you are human, my sweet,
strong woman. You are alive. And you must remind yourself that you are allowed
to feel. You are allowed to fight on, but you are more than allowed to just break
down. But you must keep dancing and you must keep moving along.
There are beautiful things ahead for me. There are adventures with my
name on it. And there is someone waiting for me. There is someone who is ready
to, finally, be my rock. They are waiting to be my strong one. Ahhhhh……
But for now, forgive yourself for
carrying the weight of everyone else. Just show up for yourself. Be your own
warrior. Stop searching and find it within yourself.
I do not need these humans like I need my beautiful, soulful self. But
they are waiting. They are ready to be my tissue, when I cry those cries. And
they are ready to be my pillow when I fall.
Life sucks sometimes. But it is also a beautiful thing, as long as I let
myself see it.
Find the beauty. Find the light.
And just keep moving.
Be your rock, but don’t forget to
let yourself fall.
Just don’t forget about you. You
beautiful, crazy, strong, sensual, caring human.
You, strong woman, are what make
this life beautiful. You are what everyone needs in their life. You are the
reason for the sun, the moon, and the earth. You make the wind dance and the
thunder crack. You are a force to be reckoned with, and you are strong like the
waves of the fiercest storm. But you are also as fragile as the wings
of a butterfly. You need time to feel and be reminded that you do not need to
carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are human. So feel it. Let
it break you. Cry. But remember to breathe. Breathe it in, and let it all go.
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